This Christmas is going to be a quiet one for me. There has been less shopping and minimal decorating. It's because this Christmas my children are going to be away.
On Monday, they fly off to spend the holidays with their Dad whom they have not seen in the last ten years. The time has come for them to close loop so they can begin to live in the answers that they have sought for so long. Uprooting our lives from Manila in 1999 was an upward climb. But, with gratitude, I will say that the last six years have been spent walking on the brighter side of life and experiencing the warmth and fullness of restoration within ourselves and as a family. I have also (finally) grown up as their mother. Most of my life was spent aiming and going for - anything - without being mindful of the risks these involved. (Picture me going at it with one child in front, one on each side and one carried on my back as I charged recklessly!) What did I know then but to hold them close no matter what, right? Alas, they inevitably picked up the pieces of my shortcomings too. It was painful to watch and painful period; digging ourselves out and finding our way back.
But, it looks like we have arrived.
I'm beginning to realize that there will be more of this as they take off one by one, which is part of having their own grown up lives. This is just the beginning. I say this in anticipation of the bittersweet changes to come, combined with heartfelt maternal pride.
I am tender all over. I just don't know where the time has gone! How was it possible to raise four well rounded, well balanced, young adults who know what life's about, are intelligent, articulate, hilarious, yet gentle, compassionate and true?
Still, we know this as our truth: Always, I am theirs. Always, they are mine.
It might as well be Christmas for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteUnlike that ancient checklist of must-haves that society had earlier imposed on us all to possess, in order to be able to forge on in normal and acceptable fashion to please a cowardly and unthought-out mob that bought into this out-dated and utterly inhumane notion, you have proven that there is a legion of methods for raising a family.
I believe that through all your tribulations, genuine and imagined, the balance between raising yourself well —and in the process, finding the pluck and determination to do well by yourself and your family— and putting your children ahead of and above all else, coupled with your inborn rectitude, were a surefire strategy (for lack of a better word) which proved to produce invaluably happy results.
Yes, it was far from impossible, but it was unquestionably no mean feat.